Mario Kart Wii = Crack

Hi Ya'll. I picked up Mario Kart Wii today from Costco ($43.99 for brand new games, you can't beat it!) As many of you know I have a little addiction to video games, but there are a few that can eat up my time like nothing else.

It's on like Donkey Kong!

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Mario Kart. It is the equivalent of crack cocaine for me! I get this feeling I'm going to get very addicted. So if you see me walking around all unkemp, smelly and a dozen pounds heavier you'll know why. I just thought I would give you a heads up. Oh, and for anyone out there that has the game that reads this, I issue a challenge to step up and compete. Send me your friend code and we'll battle online. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go smoke someone online!

Consistency is Key

Hello all! I'm updating my blog twice in the same week, I don't know what's gotten into me. Anyway, enough with the chit chat. The title of my blog really has nothing to do with what I'm about to delve into. You may want to sit down. This is some serious stuff. I want to talk about getting old.

Now I am by no means old. I'm only 26 yrs of age and I'm sure many of you would kill to be that age again. I guess to more accurately describe what I'm talking about let's rephrase it to age progression. Yeah, that's better. Here's my story. I played basketball the other night for the first time in forever and I get home and I'm thinking, "yeah, that wasn't too bad. I'm not that sore and no one had to perform CPR on me." Then day 2 hit and I've realized that I pulled some muscle I never even knew I had. The location is a little embarrassing but what the heck. It feels like it's on the inside of my butt crack! Every time I take a step I kid you not it makes me walk like some dude in a rap video - all swaying side to side and dragging one leg a little.

I think this little story illustrates my point. The digression of my overall physical capacity from 19 years old to 26 years old has been quite dramatic. I used to be the guy running around, grabbing rebounds, harassing people on defense and having the energy to actually jump when I shoot the ball. Now I've been reduced to an out of shape guy who can't play good defense, can't shoot with any sort of consistency (hey there's that word), and overall has no energy to bring to the table. Basically I've become Greg Ostertag! My muscle tone - if you can even still call it that - has steadily made the migration from my arms, chest and shoulders, and set up camp (transforming on the way) on my waist and belly as fat. People try to blame it on marriage, kids, a career and lots of other things, but I blame it on getting older. Sure I could work out and get back into shape, but it would still take twice as long as when I was in my "prime."

Is this genius or what? No really, it does work. Google it.

So does this mean I just give up? Probably not. Sometime hopefully soon I'll get back on track so that I can at least run up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath. Maybe when Wii Fit comes out It will be able to get me on the right path to being active. I think Nintendo may be brilliant in disguising an actual workout with a fun interactive game that makes getting into shape not seem boring but entertaining instead. Feel free to share your pathetic stories with me or better yet, a story about your triumphant return to the elite class of FIT.

Going Green is Stupid

Yeah, that's right I said it! Let me preface what I am about to say with this. I am all for being conservative in the way we consume natural products and I in no way support anything like strip mining or total deforestation. I think recycling is a good thing for those who want to do it. That is not the point of this post.

What I think IS stupid is when I turn on my TV and "Going Green" is crammed down my throat. CBS even dedicates a whole week to this where all of their shows have a "green" theme... cue the vomit now. I mean seriously, they (the media) make it seem like if we don't all start using 4 squares of toilet paper or less every time we use the crap pot our world is going to somehow roll over and die. Like if you take longer than a 3... sorry, if you'll excuse me a moment. A commercial just came on the TV promoting "Change the World" by HGTV telling us we throw away too much garbage each week (if you could see me right now I have a look of disgust on my face.) Maybe we do, but I don't need Carter to tell me in such a condescending way.

Oh and one more thing, Global Warming is a joke people. Think about what you're saying when you plead your case that it's a real concern. Scientists talk about what happened the last time our planet got warm. Yeah, then it got really cold. It's called the Ice Age, ever heard of it. Oh and guess what... it happened all by itself without our help. Is this sinking in? Am I making any sense here? I hope so, because this logic is simple and historically proven. Listen, our world may be getting warmer, that I acknowledge, but to freak out about it and think that we as humans can change that. I'm pretty sure that's like pissing into the wind and thinking you won't get wet. Mt. St. Helen's eruption a few decades back polluted our environment more in 15 minutes than the city of Seattle has probably done since. It's natures cycle.

Is that plastic I see on your uniform?

So if you want to give up paper, and live in biodegradable homes (which they all are eventually anyways), and take cold showers, and buy only organic food products (another topic for another time), and drive your Prius hybrid then that's fine. If you want to give Al Gore the Nobel Peace Prize for his "outstanding work in global warming awareness and saving the environment on the weekend after he gets done inventing things like the internet and the letter J" then go ahead. I don't mind. But please, for the love of all that is good and holy, STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT RECYCLING EVERYTHING I USE AND ENJOYING DRIVING MY GAS GUZZLING TRUCK. After all, nobody likes the government telling them whats best for them, No? Feel free to disagree in the comment box below. If you'll now excuse me, I need to go spray "harmful chemicals" on my back yard for weeds. Thank you that is all.